Wood Work

Well it's on it's way speeding towards me only seems like yesterday I was blogging from Edinburgh with our show and now I'm busting my ass building sets and taking notes.

The thing people don't get is crew banter is the best kind of banter. Bunch of guys building stuff making fun of each other swearing I mean it's what being a man is all about. Of course in today's equal opportunities world, I embrace the influx of women techies wholeheartedly. As long as they can keep the banter low brow then there OK in my book.

So we're building the sets cutting wood hammering stuff and making jokes about screwing sideways when I try a quick fire game. Name of the game song titles that don't appear in the lyrics.

You've got the basics, Bohemian Rhapsody, Unchained Melody, hundred mile high city. Play along yourself there are some good ones when you get going.

Chuck is actually an extremely bright and knowledgeable bloke and rivals my team in the pub quiz stakes i thought he would clear this right up, "Paradise by the dashboard light by Meatloaf".

"Emmmmm i think that appears a few times mate".

After some heavy thinking he comes back with "Drops of Jupiter by train".

"Nope sorry man its in the first line", breaking my heart telling him hes wrong he literally was the worse person in the World to play this game with.

Not wanting to give up the wheels start turning hard and fast before smiling a huge smile and saying...."Wannabe by the Spice Girls".

I nearly passed out laughing so hard...men can be cruel.

Mr Bison

OAP

Just as I was walking back to my penthouse I was stop ed by an elderly male who looked in distress. He was very infirmed and was aided in his mobility by a shopping holder/zimmer frame on wheels.

"Scuse me mate my legs urnie that hot could you nip to the shops for me?"

Being the kind sole that I am i of course said yes thinking that perhaps he needed something extremely urgent and indeed personal. I'd rather he didn't have to degrade himself anymore by asking another stranger to assist him.

"Thank you, god bless you...two 3 litre bottles of frosted jack cider and a half pun of amberleaf."

"Aye all right pal, nae bother you sit there I'll be right back." So back down the street I go to a very confused shop owner who has just sold me a bag of crisps and a packet of Minolta's now back in to buy cheap cider and roll up baccaie.

I wonder that he would have done if I had never come back? But then again he probably though £15 isn't worth burning in hell over.

Drink it in good health my friend
Mr Bison

Cash in the fridge

I was looking at an old you tube video about the most expensive thing ever brought on the Antiques Roadshow. It was in America & this good ol' boy had this old tatty rug he brought in for value.

Presenter "Where did you get this"

Jeff "oh I got it off my dad it was just sitting over the back of his chair for years never got around to throwing it away after he died"

Presenter "Well this is an handwoven blanket brought over by the pilgrams from England in the 1600's, I've only seen one of these before and it was in a museum...this is worth 10 million dollars"

Jeff "wow...I guess I shouldn't be using it to dry my balls then"?

Mr Bison